Have to vent-Angry, Upset, etc

I just have to vent, to get something off my chest.

First off, let me tell you what really sent me flying. It was recently suggested that I "attend a parenting class" or that I should "pick up Parent's magazine" and read it for advice.

Well, Parents magazine does not offer advice on parenting a "special needs" child. Strategies that work for "normal" children just do not work for these kids. You need to use special tactics with these kids. They are just not wired like other kids.

And Parenting classes? What the hell good is that going to do? Those again, are for NORMAL kids. I have yet to see a parenting class for a kid with special needs.

Bottom line, I am HURT. Deeply hurt. This came from a long time friend. Even though I don't think her intentions were bad, it does not change the fact that I was hurt. I think I have heard it all now. Apparently its not okay to be overwhelmed. Its a normal reaction to having to raise a special needs child. Its overwhelming, and ever changing. One day to the next is never the same. One day something may work, or even a week or two, then that changes.
Then we have to figure out something else that works-that can take time and much frustration.
Its all trial and error. We feel like we are walking on eggshells alot around here.

Here is an example I found online that kind of sums it up:

"The mother of this child was so upset and frustrated that she didn’t know where to turn, and was so overwhelmed by it all that she was in tears and at the end of her tether."

That is how I feel some days. Honestly! If anyone lived like this they would too, I promise you that! Its NORMAL, Dammit!

But its not the first time someone has said something like that to me. I have also been told I should be put on antidepressants (just a short time ago, when I was waiting to see if Gillian was having seizures). Now what the hell is that going to achieve? Do you honestly think that would change the situation? NO. Absolutely not.

I will be honest, I tend to withdraw a little now and again, when things are not going well.
That is my way of coping, and there is nothing wrong with that. I think we all handle things differently. Sometimes I just need time to think, to reflect, and to try to solve what is happening. I also don't like to go out and smile if I don't mean it. I am not a good faker, so I figure whats the use faking it. Doesn't mean I am giving up (which I have also been told I am doing).

I can tell you, this is VERY difficult to live with. The good days are REALLY good. Sometimes they go for a few days or a few weeks or a few months. The bad days are REALLY bad. Again-these can last a few days to a few months. My own mom stayed here for 3 weeks and she got a taste of what I deal with every day. She could not believe it. I have to say, its been worse now than when she was here.
Its hard for someone with perfect kids to understand how hard it is to live with this day to day. Some days, its honestly hard to find something to be happy about, in the midst of this crap.
I may be happy about some things, but its so hard for me to smile on the bad days, especially when things have been bad for a while.

Things are hard right now. I don't know how to help my daughter. I worry about her future.
I wonder what will come next. For people who don't live with her and probably don't see a tantrum episode or other things out of her probably think "How hard can she be?" I guess the saying is true when they say "Walk a mile in my shoes."

Everything with Gillian right now is hard and often takes alot of fighting with her. Getting her up on time to go to school. Getting her to take her meds. Getting her to get dressed. Getting her to comb her hair and brush her teeth. Then she is off to school. The school calls VERY frequently about EVERY little thing. Then we get her home. Gotta fight to take her pills again. Homework time. Its like fighting tooth and nail to get her to do anything. And dinner-very hard to get her to eat. That also is a fight.
Bedtime does not always come easy either.

Now you tell me, would you be smiling if you had to deal with that every day? I think not.


  1. I'm proud of you for putting this all out there. I can't even imagine the frustration and sadness that this must all bring. I think often of you and how strong you must be (even if you don't feel like you are) because if you weren't, Heavenly Father never would have trusted Gillian with you. She is a special girl that needs extra special care, and you and Robert are just the people to give it to her. I hope and pray that each day brings new milestones and progress. Your emotions are completely normal. Nobody would give someone a hard time for grieving the death of a loved one, but that is kind of what is happening to you. You are grieving the loss of the life you expected and the future you had in mind for Gillian. I truly believe that the future holds something incredible - even if it is different than you thought it would be. Sorry to ramble on for so long - my heart is full for you tonight. I hope to see you tomorrow (I have to speak in church and would be happy to see familiar and supportive faces in the congregation!).

  2. Hang in there, Kristy. This time will pass and it WILL get easier, even if only a little... you'll be given strength as you need it but there is NOTHING WRONG with feeling at the end of your tether, tired, confused and upset - it's absolutely normal!! You're dealing with a difficult situation and you're doing brilliantly. I'm proud to know you and I'm praying for you all. xxx

  3. Of course you have every right to deal with things however you can!!! I don't know how you do it, or why you've been asked to, but I hope you know you're loved and thought of and prayed for a lot!

  4. I've said it a million times before Gilly will move mountains in her lifetime... maybe not the mountains you planned on, but they will be her own. You know that I think she is a special angel sent here to us and I love her. You are loved too. I know people don't mean to offend you when they attempt to give advice, I think they just tell you things that they might do if they were in the same situation. My sister teaches a parenting class for people with cildren who have behavioral issues and more than a class, it's a support group. Maybe talking to people who are in a situation closer to yours would help. And please don't feel like other peoples children are perfect or normal, there is no such thing. Every child comes with their own set of frustrations and challenges. They are just different from Gilly's.
    I think I beat Charlyn. Just remeber you have surrounded your family with people who are willing to do whatever you need to help your sweet girl.